This shits mean.

As my facebook status says: "Only Gaaaaaangsters are on facebook at 11:35 on friday nights".
So true.

This week has been mean.
Two days off school for being sick.
Still sick now tho, Sucks hard.

Lubas 18th tomoro night.
Should be good.
I think the night will consist of a few trips to maccas.

Anyway.
Time to.
Finish blogging.
Laterrrrrs.

Last time,
Was different.

Last time,
Was easy.

This time is impossible.
Just glad your happy.

I cant cope.

This sucks hard.

Camp.

Camp was actually amazing.
One of the best weeks ever.

Day 1, Monday:
Got up at 5:30 to get to school by 6.
Waited till 7 at school for the bus.
Drove to waitomo where we went caving in some random farm.
"Rocks Are Made Of Water!", Quote by Flo.
Then got to the campsite and partied till tuesday :P.

Day 2, Tuesday:
Woke up at 7 to go to the mountain.
Went up the mountain and tramped for about an hour until we found somewhere to have lunch.
While other people built snow caves, Alice, Caitlin, Leah, Sean and I went with Steve to go climb ice walls. That was mean.
We got to slide down almost vertical cliffs that were about 100 meters high.

Day 3, Wednesday:
We got up at 7 again to go rafting.
Coldest thing ive done in my whole life.
Leah ended up falling out of the raft when we went down the air new zealand rapid which was hilarious. The stuff coogs said :P.
We also had a DNM with our meeeeean ass instructer Kyle about relationships.

Day 4, Thursday:
7oclock again :P.
Our half of the class went up the mountain to go skiing.
That was probably the best day.
I did bail very bad.
Except for my epic superman on happy valley.

Day 5, Friday:
Went skiing again. Whole class this time.
I went straight out to the west side with Leah, Alice and Sean.
This was funny.
I ditched them and ended up on the top of a massive cliff with seriously no way to get down.
Ended up taking the steepest way. :P.
Friday was probably the worst day as we all knew we had to leave camp.

Now im home.
Memories of camp coming back everytime i look at something that reminds me of it.
And it sucks because camp was rather carefree, but now im back, and there is still some things i dont know what to do about.

But for nowwww.
Lattttters :)

Change it to love?

I know you tried,
But it wasnt the best way to get it through to me.
Youll always be the same.
And everyone knows it.
I just want u to know im not ready.

You went,
You couldve stayed.
Since ive remembered,
Youve always ment the most to me.

My weekend was good.
Went to the Versace hotel for lunch on saturday.
Boring flight home sunday.
Then packing and shit for camp.

I think i gotta go, Finish packing.
Cyaaaaaa :)

If only people let me.

I never realised how much i missed her until now.

Im over being told what im supposed to do.
Richard is pretty chucking the whole "its your choice" thing out the window.
I had enough of being told what to do when i was living with my dad.
Im over this shit.
Its making me less and less sure of what i eventually do want to do.


Back to Nz tomoro.
Not keen to get back to shitty weather seeing as ive had sun and hotness :P.
And then i go to the snow on monday. This should be entertaining :).

Its almost a month since i talked to my dad.
I still dont think he has the picture yet tho.
And i dont think i will ever go back there.
I just guess i have a new family at Braidens.

Anyway. We are going out again. Not sure where.
So cyaaaa :)

So im sitting here,
In Australia,
In the room,
On blogger,
Listening to Keeping Up With The Joneses by Medic Droid,
Drinking Coke-Zero,
Wondering what comes next.
Where i go from here.
Whats gonna happen after next week.

Its weird.
Because when i plan stuff really throughly, i cant see anything happening after then.
Its like, end of that is the cut of day of this.

Right now im in Aus.
Today was good.
Alot better than Nz i heard.
We went onto the beach and i had everything i needed except for catherine :P.

But before the beach, me nd my mum went to a shopping center called pacific fair.
This was good.
I also found out that shes still smoking.
Which was a surprise.
But i felt extremely hipocritcal telling her she shouldnt be.

Tomoro its her birthday.
It will be good.
Im just happy i can be here for it.
I dont want to leave on sunday.
I just want everyone to come over here.
Or here to come back to Nz.
Because this shit sucks.

Why.

Why did she have to go.
Why did he have to do that.
Why are they like that.
Why is all of this happening.

This is only a few of the little questions running through my mind.

So the next week and a bit is gonna be crazy.

In 2 days im going to aus for the second time this year to see my mum for her birthday.
I think that will be good.
Im actually pretty keen to see her and richard again.
And it will also be a little break from shit here.

Straight after i get back from aus, the next day, i go on a 5 day camp for outdoor ed.
Im gonna be so tired.
But i think its gonna be a good week.

And for now.
I have to go.
Bye bye bye :)

Im over this now.
Its got to the point where its just stupid.
You dont see what this is doing to me.


The past 3 weekends have been the best of my life.
Tonight will hopefully be good.
And next weekend will top it off.
Mayb i wont be made to come home.
Hopefully.

Every friday is usually a good friday and luckily today was no exception.

I woke up late :P.
But now thats pretty much what happens everyday.
I got the bus to school and it warmed up.
I saw chris which was funny as he helped me realise the funniest thing.

I then got to leave school early.
Then to home and hung out for about an hour at home until kj came and dropped some stuff off.
So keen to have some now.
I then went out to dinner with my new "parents".
And im drunk for the third friday in a row.
:P.
This is amazing.
How much better stuff is now im living with people i like.
I just wish i had moved in with them sooner.

Im pretty keen for this weekend.
But not so keen for monday.
Supposed to be starting my promise. Hope its easier than people say.

Anyway.
Might be going out now so see u soon :)

Would you mind.?

Stop pretending that it doesnt hurt you like this.
And lets go back.

Why cant we just leave this

Youve made it clear enough now.

I have this feeling.
And its not a negative feeling.
Its rather positive actually.
I dont think i care anymore.

You made it easy to forget you.
Thanks for that.
I guess u wont see it for awhile.

They made me realise this is what i want.
And i like it now.

See you soon.

Family. How amazing is this.

I just want to know what u want..
Nothing else.
This is impossible.
Please help me.
I dont know what to do.
And its killing me..

It sucks when what used to mean the most,
Now doesnt even mean anything.

"One more month
And all I need is a sign from you that you think of me
If you don't
Then please just say so
Cause all I do
Is think of you"

30days- Nevershoutnever!

I wish i could forget..

This is the everything i never wanted.
But everything i did want never mattered.*
And im starting to see that this is easy.
I just have to realise that it doesnt matter.*

The worst thing about this,
Is i cant tell you i love you anymore..

Things never go in anyones favour..
They may for awhile..
But nothing lasts forever.

When everything screws up why does the one other thing that keeps u going have to end..

This shit sucks.

There is seriously no words to describe this one..
The past couple of weeks have been filled with fuck up after fuck up.
But this one.. mm.
Ive been told several times by a friend that whenever stuff is bad for me, i always find a way to make it worse.
I could never say its been as true as it is right now.

Now it turns out that im going to aus for a weekend soon.
I think it will be good.

But to top it all off.
I have no lighter.

Time to die..